I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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