I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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