saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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