Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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