Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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