she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
