Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
