another moral hangover. fuck.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
