did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
