you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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