If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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