they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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