Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
