omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
