just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The adults are the big ones right?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
