WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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