11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
