I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
