I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
