Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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