Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
