so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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