Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
