I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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