I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
is it fun? or sober?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
