Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My pussy is not your playground.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
