im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Moan for me like Helen Keller
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
