never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
