My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
