I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
