And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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