I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
