Will you blow on my dice?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
