i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
