Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
