Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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