Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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