Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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