if you like me you must not know who I am
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize