I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
