sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
