Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
