She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
