So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
