Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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