Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
