Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
