shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
