remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
