im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
