she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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