A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
