im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize