it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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