If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
