the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
