Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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