This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
