haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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