Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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