but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
