I wish I could punch you in the face.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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