I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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