At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Oh god it's open bar.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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