I love watching others lives come down to our level.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
