apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
