end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
