The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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