We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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