i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
