You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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