you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
