My hand turned me down
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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